


Broken Paws and Troubled Waters

by Mona_Lisa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alastair (Supernatural) Being an Asshole, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Hero Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Castiel, Shy Dean Winchester, Veterinarian Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2019-10-29 22:50:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17817026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mona_Lisa/pseuds/Mona_Lisa
Summary: Castiel Novak has just started his new life in Medford, Oregon: he has bought a lovely little house and he works at his own veterinary practice. He is ready to enjoy life and settle down. He is not ready to fall in love at first sight with the beautiful green-eyed neighbour who is married. To an asshole. Things start to get complicated from there on...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Supernatural story ever. This is only the second piece of fanfiction I am writing and the last time was in 2014. But the muse hit me again and I had to write something.  
> But I have to warn you: This is a work in progress, I hope I can update quickly but I don't have a lot of free time so please keep that in mind. I already have the story outlined in my head but I'm changing direction as I'm writing so not everything's decided yet. I'm open to suggestions.
> 
> Also, English is not really my first language. There may be errors, please excuse me, I'm trying my best.

„Castiel, this house is just perfect! “  


„I know, Mom, that’s why I bought it. “Castiel Novak smiled and took his mother’s hand into his as she stepped outside his new property to admire its beautiful entrance, a stony path embedded by many kinds of flowers, leading to the wooden door which itself was enclosed by thick layers of common ivy.  


“You’ll have to hire a gardener for all these flowers and trees, bro. “  


“You know, Gabe, I kinda intended to tend to these beautiful babies myself” Castiel grinned as he flicked a finger through his brothers’ generous hair. “Hey!” Gabriel dramatically pretended to be hurt but grinned back at Castiel a second later. He then picked an apple from the small tree in front of him and bit into it with gusto.  


“Can you, though, Castiel?” his mother asked. “You’ll have your hands full with your new practice. This garden is huge and there’s the backyard, too. Maybe Gabriel is right, and you should hire someone.”  


“No, Mom, really, I think I will manage. Yes, I’ll have to work a lot, but I will have some free time, too, mostly weekends of course and then I’ve got to do something. Being outside in the sunshine with my clippers and my shovel will give me the chance to relax a little. You know I’ve always wanted my own garden.”  


“Okay, dear, if you say so.” His mother smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She then went behind the back of the house to look at the huge backyard again. Gabriel winked at Castiel, patted his shoulder amicably and followed her. Castiel’s smile followed them too and his smile widened further as he watched his dog Shoshanna – a beautiful brown Labrador – shoot out of the house and jump at him. He knelt to pet the excited animal and buried his face in her soft fur, closing his eyes for a moment. _Yes, he thought, this is home. This feels right. I’ve made the right choice._  


He tried to supress the small ping of resentment swelling in his chest. Yes, of course. He would not forget that there was a reason he had bought this particular house in Medford, Oregon – over 800 miles away from his hometown Phoenix, Arizona. That’s where he had grown up with his family, his parents and his four siblings. He had had a happy childhood, had been a typical teenager with a few ups and downs – excellent marks, nice friends and only a few adventurous tests with alcohol and partying – the usual, nothing for anyone to worry about.  


He and his father had always had a great relationship. Castiel was the youngest of four sons and Leonard Novak was proud of all his achievements: the first prizes at spelling bees, chess tournaments and even his black belt in judo. It had been a matter of course that Castiel would become a doctor like his father. His older brothers had chosen different career paths – Lucifer owned his own business, Michael was an investment banker and Gabriel, well Gabriel was an artist, a painter, which was a thorn in Leonard Novak’s flesh, but Gabriel had always been a little different and his father had accepted that surprisingly fast. But Castiel had always been the son to step in his footsteps. Leonard was Chief Surgeon at a huge private clinic in Phoenix and had a big reputation. When Castiel had opted to indeed grapple the field of medicine – but veterinary medicine – his father had been less than amused. He had had a total fit, screaming that healing “stupid” animals would not bring him any fame nor much money. Castiel had swallowed and looked his father into his eyes. He had always loved animals, and this was his way to go, he knew it in his heart.  


Their relationship had been strained already by Castiel’s first semester at Phoenix University but when he told his parents that he was gay, halfway through his studies, his father nearly had a heart attack. It was enough for them to not speak each other and not see each other for the last couple of years except for Christmas and birthdays. It had hurt Castiel very much to be so rejected by his father, to realize he was a hypocrite and too shallow, too intolerant to accept anything divergent from his values. It had been a shock seeing his father in this new light and it had angered him. His mother and siblings, mostly Gabriel and Anna, his younger sister, had tried to mediate between the two of them, to no avail. He had thrown himself into his studies and decided that his father could go fuck himself. He had graduated two years ago, then he had worked at a veterinary clinic nearby as a resident. It had been amazing, finally working as a vet – but he somehow felt suppressed by his father’s presence nearby, as if his aura and all his hateful words came haunting him.  


When he had found an ad from a Dr. Alex Lindt searching for a partner for her veterinary practice here in this sweet little town in Oregon, he knew at once that it was his destiny to come here, as sappy as that sounded. So here he was. He had found this old little house just a few blocks away from work and the price hadn’t been too high – it had to be renovated quite a bit though. So, he had asked his brothers to help him and to his eternal gratefulness they had all taken a week off to come and help him with the house. It had turned out wonderful, just like his mother said. She was here now for the first time, helping him unpack his things and spending the first few days with him in his new home, along with Gabriel. He was thankful that he didn’t have to be alone at first, because he was still a bit nervous despite his firm decision to undergo this endeavour.  


Dr. Lindt was as nice as she had sounded on the phone and they had already discussed work specifics. He would start in a week, and his brother and mother would stay until a day before then. He was eager to show them the town and the beautiful area in which he had chosen his new home. There was a beautiful lake where one could go swimming or fishing, there were thick forests to explore and mountains small and huge, perfect for hiking trips. It was just the beginning of May, summer was ahead of him and he felt as if he could do anything he wanted. The world was his oyster.  


The only thing making him nervous was the lack of people he knew around here. Apart from Shoshanna, he was totally on his own. Back in Phoenix, he had left a boyfriend, Tim. It hadn’t been all too serious with the two of them, just a casual thing and both had been sorry but not heartbroken to leave the other one behind. Who knows, maybe he would find someone nice here in Medford, Oregon?  


“You’ll never know, “he quietly whispered to himself and he smiled. He was hopelessly romantic, and he would never give up the idea that somewhere in the world there was someone special for him. He would find him someday somehow. He just hoped he didn’t have to wait until he was eighty to reach that goal.  


He stepped behind his house into the backyard. Just like the house itself it was perfect. It was huge: there was a patio at the back of the house with a large wooden table and chairs for people to sit outside – just perfect to enjoy a glass of wine and read a good novel on mild summer evenings. He could also, of course, invite people there for a barbecue – he would just have to find some people he could do that with. There was also a porch swing he just had to get when he saw it on Ebay. And of course, there were loads of potted flowers and vases as well as a space he had already set up for vegetables to grow at. Just like having his own garden he had always wanted to grow his own tomatoes – and now he would.  


“Pretty large property for just one person, Cassie, “Gabriel said with his mouth full of apple, sitting cross-legged on the swing. “You sure you’re not going to die of loneliness here?”  


“Nah, “Castiel replied. “Some peace and quiet will do me good for now. But I promise, as soon as you two are gone, I’ll take a tour and introduce myself to the neighbours, get to know the people here. I’m sure I’ll find some new friends here.”  


“Of course you will, dear, “his mother beamed, “you are such an endearing and lovely person – how can anyone not like you? I’m sure you’ll have a bunch of friends here in no time.”  


“Oh, you’ll be the star of the town, Cassie, “Gabriel chuckled and winked at him again. He was a good brother and Castiel loved him dearly, but he could never really be serious, could he?  


“Oh, don’t tease him, Gabriel, “their mother admonished. “Castiel will do just fine.” Her face fell a little bit. “I’m just so sad that we won’t get to see you so often anymore…”  


“I promise, I’ll try to come and visit at least once every two months, Mom, “Castiel sat next to her on the bench she sat on and put his arm around her shoulder. “I’ll miss you guys a lot, I know that already. It’ll be hard not having you nearby.”  


She turned towards him with a reproachful frown. “Well, I still don’t understand why you had to buy a house and get a job in a town so far away from home…?”  
Castiel took his arm away again and sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger, eyes closed and took a deep breath to answer his mother but was already interrupted by his forward brother.  


“Oh, Mother, you already know why he did it. And I can completely understand why he did it, I would have done it if I were him. Our dear father is …. A complicated man to live with, you know that.” For once, Gabriel didn’t wink or smile. Instead his shoulders hung down and his mouth twitched a little with what seemed a little flare of anger. “Let Castiel find a new home here, let him have some peace, he deserves it.”  


“Thank you, brother, thanks for understanding.” Castiel said quietly and he smiled at Gabriel, although his smile did not really reach his eyes.  


“Anything for ya, bro, “Gabriel mumbled. Then he clapped his hands together loudly, his typical big grin back on his face. “Well, guys, I’m starving! Didn’t we agree to have a great feast tonight, or what? I think we should get to that pronto.”  


“Yeah, you’re right.” Castiel stood up and smiled again, this time more openly. “I’ve already all the food we need for dinner. Mom, will you help me with the lasagne? Gabe, you can make a salad.”  


They all chuckled and went towards the house as Gabriel rambled on about rabbit food and Castiel’s obsession with healthy food. The depressing moment was gone, and they were all in a good mood as they started to prepare dinner.  


_This is it, Castiel thought. This is the start of something new and I’m excited what’s waiting for me._  


“Hey, cutie pie, the onions don’t cut themselves, you know, “Gabriel chirped right into his ear, pulling him out of his thoughts and Castiel shoved him away, laughing. _He was ready._


	2. Chapter 2

The week with his Gabriel and their mother was coming to an end. Today was Saturday, tomorrow after breakfast the two of them would leave for the airport. They had intentionally picked an early flight, so he could have the rest of the day to himself, to give him some peace and quiet before work started on Monday.  


The time with them had been wonderful. They had made the best of it, exploring everything the town of Medford had to offer. They had been swimming, hiking, having picnics in the woods, had visited a few farms in the area to buy some local products, stroke baby lambs and coo at tiny kittens. The weather had been perfect all week and they all had been relaxed and carefree. The sore subject of his father never came up again.  


This Saturday evening, they wanted to have a barbecue to celebrate their last day together. Castiel had baked a cherry pie as a special treat for his family and together they had prepared loads of food, too much to eat for the three of them. When dusk set in, they sat in their chairs under the patio, their bellies full, they enjoyed the last few rays of sunshine for the day.  


“Thanks, Castiel, that was amazing, “his mother said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. “I’ve eaten so much this whole week I think I’ll have to go on a low-carb diet again come tomorrow to lose a few pounds again.”  


“Nonsense, mother, you’re perfect as you are.” Castiel smiled at her and ignored Gabriel’s muttered “Kissup.” Irina smiled thankfully and took his hand.  


“I’m sorry we have to leave tomorrow. This week flew by so fast.”  


“Yeah, it did. I’m sorry, too, I had a great time with you two. But I must say, I’m excited for Monday. I’m eager to get to know Dr. Lindt and our patients. It will be exciting for Shoshanna, too.” Castiel patted his beloved dog sitting right next to him. Shohanna licked his hand, her tail wagging.  


“Yes, you’re lucky you’re allowed to bring your dog to work.” Gabriel said.  


“Most vets have their own pets, so many of them do it, “Castiel said, “Dr. Lindt herself has a little Chihuahua, I believe, she’ll take with her. I just hope the two dogs will get along.”  


“I’m sure they will, dear, “Irina said and she stood up to clear the table.  


“No, mom, please sit. Me and Gabe will handle it, right Gabe?” Castiel threw a pointed look at his brother who smirked but stood up to help Castiel with the dishes without complaining.  


They cleaned everything up fast and after a few glasses of wine retired to bed.  


***  


After a long and generous breakfast including Castiel’s homemade pancakes and cheese omelettes he drove the two of them to the airport. After the check-in it was time to say goodbye.  


Irina Novak couldn’t seem to let go of her youngest son. Castiel indulged her and held her tightly. She sniffled, her eyes watery.  


“Oh, Castiel, are you sure you’re gonna be alright? Please call us every few days, okay? And if something’s not okay, please tell me.” She cupped his face in her hands and looked at him with a soft but determined look. “You promise?”  


He smiled and kissed her cheek. “Yes, mom, I promise.”  


She hugged him one more time, then she stepped aside to give Gabriel his chance to say goodbye.  


Gabriel chuckled as he pulled his brother into a tight embrace. “You would think you’re thirteen and not thirty the way she treats you,” he whispered into Castiel’s ear. Castiel just grinned silently. “Good luck, bro. I really hope you’ll find what you’re looking for here.” He gave him a serious look as if he wanted to say something more, then he shook his head and grinned again. “Hey, I wanna hear all the sexy stories about sexy neighbours, ya know?” And he winked at Castiel in his typical manner. Castiel winked back in an exaggerated manner and he patted Gabriel’s shoulder one last time. “We’ll see, Gabe, we’ll see.”  


He waved a few more times until Gabriel and Irina disappeared around the corner with their passports in their hands. He sighed and turned around towards the airport’s exit. So this was it. No turning back now. _Alright then._  


On the drive back to Medford he turned up the volume and sang along to one of his favourite songs, “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel, Shoshanna howling along in the back. He was in a good mood and he looked forward to the next few days. He had had a great time with his family and his new home was awesome. He was looking forward to spending the day in quiet. He would unpack the last few items, tend to his garden a little bit, then he would cook himself a quiet little dinner and take a long walk with Shoshanna. He wanted to explore Medford some more. He had seen the more touristy sights of the town, the ones everyone recommended but he wanted to see some more of his direct neighbourhood. Maybe he could already start introducing himself to the neighbours? _Hm, maybe I’ll bake some cookies and go knock on a few doors. Can’t hurt to make a good impression early._  


He hummed to himself contentedly as he resolved to do so. He would make new friends here in no time, no problem.  


A few hours later he had unpacked the rest of his stuff, had given all his flowers some water and he had eaten. His homemade chocolate chip cookies were already finished and ready to be gifted to hungry neighbours. He put them in a nice basket and whistled with two fingers, one second later a happy Shoshanna stood right in front of him with a waggling tail. He put her on the leash and with the full basket under his arm they stepped outside.  


_Okay, Cas, you can do this._  


He was actually a little nervous to meet his new neighbours. It really took him by surprise because he wasn’t such a shy guy normally, he used to go to parties at college where he almost knew no one and ended up with a new group of buddies more times than he could count. He was an easy-going person, people liked him because he was fun to hang around with, he was cheerful and knew how to make everyone around him laugh. He often ended up being the centre of everyone’s attention, making everyone cry tears of laughter by impersonating Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura or The Mask. But he was a good listener too and friends liked to come to him with their problems, with their heartaches and they always left him feeling comforted and hopeful.  


So why was he feeling so nervous now? _Maybe I’m getting old, huh? That must be it._ Cas smiled to himself. _Come on, “old man”, you’ve still got it in you._  


He made his way down the street towards the first of his neighbours’ houses, Shoshanna plodding beside him happily. There were quite a few houses in the street where he lived, it seemed he had lucked out in buying a house in a good neighbourhood because all the houses looked really pretty with the colourful gardens and the good cars parked in the driveways.  


He walked up the path of his direct neighbour’s house, took a deep breath and knocked. He was dressed in his favourite pair of blue jeans and a simple brown sweater – he hoped he wasn’t underdressed, but he felt like himself in this outfit and he didn’t want to look to formal on his first visit with the neighbours.  


The door was opened by a young woman with long red hair and a twinkle in her eyes.  


“Heya, what’s up?” She asked as she leaned against the frame of the door and she smiled at him expectantly.  


“Hi, “Castiel said and he spontaneously waved his hand at her instead of shaking her hand as he had intended to, “I’m Castiel, your new next-door neighbour. I just moved in and wanted to introduce myself. I brought cookies.” He lifted his cookie basket.  


The woman’s smile brightened a lot. “Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place? Come in, dear cookie bringer.” And she pulled him inside the house.  


Once he was inside, she called behind her shoulder in a loud voice, not at all fazed by the stranger next to her: “Yo, Jo! Get your lazy ass down here, we’ve got company! He’s even brought cookies, the ones you like the mohost.” The last word was sing sung in a high-pitched voice and Castiel grinned to himself. He liked her already.  


“Yo, chocolate chip, really?” A second female voice called from the upper floor.  


Castiel looked up the stairs he and the redhead were standing at and saw another woman coming down toward them. She was petite and blonde, about the same age of the redhead. She jogged down the stairs and looked at the first woman expectantly. “But surely not homemade, am I right?”  


The redhead turned to a Castiel with an amused look and raised eyebrows. “Well, that’s a question for you, I guess.”  


Castiel smiled. “Yes, of course they are homemade, I wouldn’t dare show up at my new neighbours’ doors with cookies from the store. Here, try one.” And he offered his basket to the blonde woman. She eyed him suspiciously as if she couldn’t believe a stranger would offer her homemade cookies without them being poisoned but then she took one of the cookies and bit into it hesitantly. After swallowing her first bite she closed her eyes, sighed with what seemed utmost content and said “Okay, Charles, these ones are the real deal. Test passed.”  


And she opened her eyes and smiled at Cas. “You’re our new neighbour, you said? Hey, I’m Jo and I adore your cookies. Can I get a subscription?” She blinked her eyes at him dramatically and he laughed, thankful that his first set of neighbours were so easy to deal with.  


“Oh no, I’m afraid that’s not possible, “he played along, “but if you’ll invite me for coffee from time to time maybe I’ll bring some more of these cookies with me.”  


“Ha, coffee’s no problemo, Mister, but I hope you have no hidden agenda or something, because that girl is mine.” The redhead wrapped her arm around the waist of the woman named Jo and pulled her to her side possessively, looking at Castiel with a smile that seemed to be half joking and half dead serious. And she raised her eyebrows, question hanging unspoken in the air.  


Castiel raised his arms reassuringly and chuckled. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I will not take your girlfriend from you, I promise. In fact, I’m gay, too.”  


The redhead and Jo looked at each other and grinned. “Well then, dear Castiel, “the redhead said, “you are welcome in our house. I’m Charlie by the way.” She winked at him. 

“Come on, let’s get you some coffee.” She pointed at what seemed to be the living room and he found his way to a nice pink couch in a surprisingly old-fashioned room with a chimney and lots of book shelves and old pictures hanging on the wall. There was however a huge TV in stark contrast to the rest of the furniture and what seemed to be multiple gaming platforms.  


“I’ve inherited this house from my grandma when she died.” Charlie explained his unspoken question with a shrug. “It’s old-fashioned I know but we kinda like it so we kept it like that.”  


She brought them some coffee together with an equally old-fashioned set of crockery which was kind of stylish he thought. The two of them sat across from Castiel, each with one of his cookies in hand and they looked at him expectantly.  


“Well, Castiel. Tell us about you, “Jo said, “we already know you’re a wonderful cookie maker but there has to be more to you than that, right?” She grinned at him and he grinned back openly.  


“Yeah, of course. Well, as I said, I’m Castiel, I’m thirty years old and I moved here all the way from Phoenix. I’m partnering with Dr. Lindt at her practice, I’m the new vet in town, so to say.”  


The girls looked at each other again. “Uhhhhh … interesting, “they squealed. “We have cats you know. Two of them.” They suddenly made chirping kissing noises with their mouths, apparently, they were calling for their pets. Promptly Castiel saw two cats enter the living room with expectant looks on their faces. They jumped up the couch right between Charlie and Jo and were at once petted which made them purr quite loudly. They were very beautiful Norwegians with long thick fur.  


“Meet our babies: Asmodeus and Azazel.” Charlie said with obvious pride in her voice. “Seems you’ve met your first new patients. I fear they won’t like you very much.”  


“Ha, I’m used to that. “Castiel chuckled. “They’re beautiful.”  


Both women beamed as if had complimented them and not their cats and he felt he had made a significant step towards what could become a friendship with these women.  


They talked a little more about his new job and where he came from. They were friendly and they were interested, he was happy to tell them a little bit about himself. They in turn answered all his questions: Charles worked in IT and had just graduated from college. She had inherited this house from her deceased grandmother and had moved here with her long-time girlfriend Jo. Jo in turn run the local bar The Roadhouse together with her mother Ellen.  


Castiel could see that these two were very much in love. They were always touching in one way or another. Charlie, obviously the more talkative one of them, specifically always seemed to stroke Jo’s hand or she snuggled against her and Castiel thought it adorable. He felt a tinge of sadness that he didn’t have what they had but he was happy for them.  


_They are nice. Friend material, hopefully._  


“So, Castiel, you’re single?” Jo asked a little sudden.  


“Yeah, I am.” Cas sighed. “Hopefully not for too long, I’m just not the type who likes to be alone a lot.”  


“Well, a nice guy such as you… you’ll find somebody in no time, for sure.” Charlie smiled at him sympathetically. “Just keep giving out these delicious cookies.”  


Castiel smiled a little solemnly. “Well, I hope it doesn’t sound too sappy, but I really hope that I’ll find someone special someday. Someone to spend the rest of my life with, you know?” And he blushed a little as he said that.  


Charlie and Jo looked at each other and squealed again, this time even louder.  


“Ohh, that’s so sweet.” Charlie said. “You will find that special someone, for sure. I’ve never thought I would find someone special until I suddenly did, and it hit me out of nowhere.” Jo turned to her and they exchanged a short but affectionate kiss.  


“So, “Castiel said, to get their attention again, “are the other neighbours around here just as nice as you two?”  


“Well, nobody’s as nice as us, “Jo said with a wink, “but most of them are quite cool, yes. There’s grumpy old Bobby Singer across from us, he always frowns but he has a soft heart, the sucker.”  


“There’s Mrs. Tran and her son Kevin next to us. They’re cool, too. Oh, and Jody Mills three houses from us with her adopted daughters Alex and Claire, they are awesome.” Charlie chimed in.  


They told him about all the neighbours in the area and there were so many names he hoped he would not forget all of them. But he would try to meet them all anyway.  


“Okay, they all seem nice from what you describe, “he said eventually, “is there anyone I should avoid? You know witchy old ladies who’ll throw their cats at me or something like that?”  


Charlie chuckled and shook her head. “No, I’m sorry we don’t have something like that here. Shame.” Then she wrinkled her nose. “Well, actually there are these new guys who just moved into the house at the end of our street, I think maybe a month ago. But they didn’t introduce themselves like you, they didn’t bring any cookies.” She looks at Castiel with sudden overplayed indignation.  


“So, I don’t even know their names, I only know it’s two guys, I don’t even know if they are friends or brothers or whatever.”  
“But I think one of them is a police officer, “Jo chimed in. “I’ve seen him in his uniform, he came into the Roadhouse that one time, breaking up a fight.”  


“Well, maybe they’re just shy, “Castiel said. “They’re probably nice people.”  


“Well, go knock on their door and find out for us, will ya, Castiel?” Jo said and she smirked at him.  


“I will, “he answered. “Now I’m curious, too.”  


He stood up, indicating that he was ready to leave.  


“Thanks for the coffee, guys. It was really nice meeting you.”  


The girls smiled at him sincerely. “No, we thank you for bringing us the best chocolate chip cookies ever. “Charlie said. “Hey, maybe give us your number so we can text you if we’re hungry for more?”  


They exchanged numbers and Castiel left with a happy heart and a few cookies less in his basket.  


_That was a good start._  


He worked his way through the rest of the houses, knocking on doors and shaking a lot of hands. He met the Trans as well as grumpy old Bobby Singer. Also, a nice guy named Benny with his wife and two kids who devour his cookies in a matter of minutes much to the horror of their mother. They were all friendly and eager to meet the new neighbour. Well, Bobby Singer had shaken his hand and then crawled back under the car he was working on without a word so he had just left two cookies wrapped in a napkin at his doorstep and moved along but apart from that he felt really good, he felt welcome here.  


_Just one last house to go_ , he thought. _Ah yes, the two men who just moved here recently, the shy ones. Well they’ll be thankful for someone making the first step._  


He had reached the house at the end of the street. There were only a few cookies left in his basket and he wanted these last neighbours to have them. As he stepped in front of the door, he glanced at the name plate written in small, curved letters: A. and D. Christensen. He knocked.


	3. Chapter 3

The door didn’t open at first, so he knocked again.  


“Coming.” A hoarse voice from inside called so Castiel waited.  


Eventually the door opened and Castiel’s heart stopped for a second. Right in front of him stood the most beautiful man he had ever seen.  


_Young, maybe a few years younger than me. Tall, just about my height. Green eyes, oh God, he’s breath-taking. Those freckles. Those lips._  


“Yeah? Can I help you with something, Sir?” the beautiful man asked a little nervously and Castiel hurried to close his mouth he just now realized had been hanging open and he extended his hand quickly to cover up for his embarrassing behaviour.  


“Oh, sorry, of course. Hi, I’m Castiel Novak, I just moved here into the house at the other end of the street and I wanted to introduce myself.” He smiled at the other man hesitantly, hoping he hadn’t ruined everything in the first few seconds.  


The beautiful man hesitated a little more, then glanced behind his shoulder into the house as if looking for something or someone. Then he turned back and shook Castiel’s hand with a nervous smile on his lips.  


“I’m sorry, Mr Novak, of course, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Dean.”  


Castiel shook beautiful Dean’s hand and couldn’t help but stare again. It was as if electricity was running through his body from the point where their two hands met. It reached right into his muscles and he actually felt his knees going weak. _Don’t be ridiculous, Castiel. Hold yourself together, for Christ’s sake._  


He eventually realized they were shaking hands a little longer than necessary and he quickly released Dean’s hand. “Please, Dean, call me Castiel.”  


“Okay, I will. “Dean said, “quite an unusual name, I’ve never heard it before.” He looked at Castiel with earnest interest although the nervousness wouldn’t leave his features, he was still looking behind his shoulder from time to time and his stance was rigid, his right hand curled into a tight fist.  


“Ah yes, I know. My parents wanted to be original, so they named me after an angel. Stupid, right?”  


Dean just stared at him as if lost in thought. After a few seconds he shook his head as if to clear it and stuttered “Oh, no, I kinda like it you know. It really is something different and it sounds nice. To be named after an angel … I think that’s special.” And he suddenly blushed really hard, his whole face turning red as he looked down, embarrassed.  


_Oh, God. He’s adorable._  


Castiel’s heart stopped once more. This guy Dean here was working all his angles. The shyness, the blushing, the sincere sentiment. Wow, he was so cute it was scary.  


He realized a few seconds had passed in silence again and he shifted to stand up straight, clearing his voice.  


“Thanks, Dean, that’s nice to hear.” He offered his cookie basket again. “I’ve brought homemade cookies for you as a little gift. I hope you like cookies.”  


“Oh…oh, yes of course.” Dean stumbled over his words again and blushed some more. Castiel’s heart fluttered. “Thank you, that is so nice of you.”  


“No problem, I’d like to get to know all my neighbours and I thought that was the best way of getting them to like me from the start, you know.” Castiel said with a mischievous grin.  


Dean stared a little at him then seemed to realize he had made a joke and he chuckled nervously. “Oh well, I think that was a wise choice”, he said.  


“So, you don’t live alone here, right?” Castiel asked, “there’s someone here living with you, a “- he pointed at the name plate on the door – “the mysterious A.?”  


Dean fidgeted some more, and he looked on the floor as he said. “Oh, yes, Alastair, he and I are living together….”  


Castiel opened his mouth to ask another question when suddenly Dean was pulled back inside the house a little by someone stepping next to him.  


“Well, well, Dean, what have we here? A new neighbour? Introduce us, please, where are your manners?”  


Castiel gazed up at the tall man who had pulled Dean back a little with what seemed a little too much strength and he felt coldness creep into his heart.  


“Hello, Sir, I’m Castiel Novak, I just moved here and wanted to introduce myself.” He offered his hand and the tall man shook it at once. His hand was large, his fingers long and lean, his grip was very tight and Castiel felt a little disturbed by the intense look the man gave him, his eyes dark and intelligent. After a few seconds the man’s face lit up as if he remembered something.  


“Oh, how extraordinarily nice of you! Isn’t that nice, Dean?” And he looked expectantly down at Dean next to him who was quick to nod his assent with only a small look in Castiel’s direction.  


“Well, Castiel, my name is Alastair, it is nice to meet you. What is your profession, may I ask?” Alastair was very polite and made a point of being friendly but Castiel felt the friendliness was not quite real, the smile didn’t really reach the man’s eyes. There was something strange about him, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.  


“I’m a veterinarian. I’m going to work with Dr. Lindt in our shared practice starting tomorrow, “he explained, and Alastair’s eyebrows went up a little.  


“Oh really? What a great addition to our small town. I bet Dr. Lindt’s really relieved to have finally found somebody to help her at the practice, there’s really much to do I believe, there are so many people living here who own pets.”  


Castiel nodded as he shifted his gaze from Alastair to Dean who had fallen silent since Alastair showed up.  


“We’ve always wanted a dog, too, right Dean?” Alastair said. “But there’s so little time, you know? I’m the Deputy Chief of police here in Medford. I just started a month ago but there’s much to do.”  


Only now did Castiel see the insignia on the white button-down’s shoulders Alastair was wearing. _That’s where this air of authority is coming from_ , he thought. _The arrogance, too._  


“Well, Sir, I’m honoured to meet you.” he said politely.  


An awkward silence followed and Castiel cleared his throat to speak again but Alastair anticipated him smoothly.  


“Well, Castiel, I’m sorry to say that we don’t really have the time right now to ask you inside for a cup of coffee. We didn’t know you were coming, I hope you understand.” 

Alastair flashed a huge smile at Castiel, showing his perfect white teeth and Castiel thought he looked perfectly creepy with that smile.  


He shook his head. “No, Sir, no problem, of course. I just wanted to bring you these cookies as a small gift, that’s all.” He reached inside his basket and pulled his last two cookies out, wrapped in a napkin. “Here, please take them.”  


Alastair took them and flashed another cold smile. “Well, I’m impressed. They look delicious, thank you, Castiel.”  


Castiel looked at Dean who quietly said Thank you” too and he wished he could hear Dean talk more and Alastair less. What kind of relationship did these two have anyway? 

They didn’t seem to be brothers, they didn’t look alike at all and they were too close in age to be father and son, although Alastair seemed to be at least ten years older than Dean. _Friends? No._ A deep feeling of regret filled his guts suddenly as the right answer came to him and Alastair confirmed his suspicion right in time.  


“Well, Castiel, it was nice to meet you.” He pulled Dean close to his side and drew an arm around his waist possessively. He planted a soft kiss on the top of Dean’s head and looked at Castiel pointedly. “Dean and I are looking forward to meeting you again. Maybe we could have a barbecue some time soon? I’ll give you a call.”  


Castiel nodded, for a moment lost at speech and he hoped Dean would say something, but Dean just let himself be held against Alastair’s shoulder as he smiled seemingly completely oblivious of the hint of tension between them. Although his lips were pressed together tightly, so maybe he wasn’t so oblivious after all.  


Castiel’s heart fell but he tried to keep smiling and he nodded at the men in front of them.  


“Well, I’m looking forward to it, too. Good evening, gentleman.”  


He smiled one last time, mostly at Dean because he wanted to, then he turned around to walk back to his house. He heard the door close behind him and he let out a deep breath he didn’t know he had been holding inside.  


Suddenly he didn’t feel so light anymore like he had felt before he had visited the Christensen’s. Suddenly his heart was filled with an intense sadness he couldn’t explain to himself.  


_Stop it, Castiel. So you fell in love at first sight with the most beautiful man alive and he’s taken. Even married, apparently. So what? There’s no such thing as love at first sight._  


Shoshanna howled at him as she sensed his changed demeanour and he leaned down to pet her head absently.  


“Yes, Shosh, I know. I know.” He sighed.  


_I’ve never felt anything like it, looking at someone. I do not know him, still I feel as if I do. Or at least as if there’s something in him I recognize…Oh, well, now I’m being really stupid._  


He shook his head and pulled the leash a little more fervently so Shoshanna would follow. It didn’t take long for them to reach their home and once inside, Castiel filled Shoshanna’s bowl with dog food. He looked at his watch. _It’s only 7. Well, I should go to bed early, tomorrow is an important day._  


He made himself a small salad, changed into his pyjamas and switched the TV on. He watched the news as he ate his salad. After that he found nothing interesting on any channel, so he switched the TV off and walked the stairs up where his bed room was.  


After brushing his teeth, he went to bed with the intention to continue reading his novel, Stephen King’s IT. It was a real good novel, Castiel was a sucker for horror stories. But tonight, he couldn’t concentrate – after half an hour he realized he was still on the same page he started so he put the book away. It was still only 9 and it was just about to get dark outside.  


Castiel sighed and resolved to stare at the ceiling until sleep would claim him. Shoshanna lay at his feet, already asleep, breathing steadily. Castiel realized his thoughts were totally focussed on his green-eyed neighbour Dean. He just couldn’t stop thinking about him.  


On the one hand he was amazed by the intensive attraction he had felt for him almost the second he had laid eyes upon him. Castiel had seen and dated his share of attractive men during his college time but none of them could level with Dean’s fragile prettiness. Castiel chastised himself for his obvious shallowness. This strong infatuation with Dean couldn’t be completely based on the man’s perfect lips, the wonderful freckles on his face, the green eyes, the high cheek bones, could it?  


_No, there’s more. I can’t really put my fingers on it but there is more. We only spend a few minutes together, but I already feel as if we’ve made a connection._  


Castiel smiled to himself and he chuckled quietly as he remembered the way Dean had blushed and stuttered when they had talked about him being named after an angel. That had been so sweet and had made him look younger than he probably was.  


His brow furrowed as his thoughts travelled to Alastair, the man Dean apparently was married to.  


_That guy is seriously creepy. That voice, the way he looked down at Dean and how he possessively held him. He made it right clear I was stepping on his territory. That smile was so fake._  


Castiel decided he would get to know the Christensen’s better. Although they were a couple he felt as if something wasn’t right between them. And even if he wasn’t right – he still wanted to get to know Dean. Dean himself had seen interested in him although of course he was quite shy. Well, he would make it his goal to lure Dean out of his shell, territorial husband be damned.  


_Careful, Castiel. You just moved here, and you’ve already set your eyes on a guy who’s taken. Are you asking for trouble?_ he imagined his brother Gabriel say.  


_Well, alright, I’ll be careful. I won’t force it but let’s just see what happens._  


He finally felt his eyelids growing heavier. He snuggled against his pillow and closed his eyes. He told himself that he had to concentrate on his new job, that’s what he was here for. His first day tomorrow would be great, he hoped. He banned further thoughts of beautiful Dean from his mind and drifted into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

He woke up the next morning with a smile on his lips. Finally it had come, the first day of work in his very own practice! Castiel Novak, D.V.M. (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine), co-owner of the Lindt & Novak Practice for Veterinary Medicine – that sounded really good, didn’t it?  


He jumped out of bed and jogged the stairs down, followed by an equally excited Shoshanna. “Today’s the day, Shosh!” he said happily as he started to prepare himself a cup of coffee as well as a bowl of plain yoghurt into which he put some fresh raspberries and blackberries. He gave Shoshanna her food as well and they ate their breakfast together while Castiel explained to his furry friend everything about the great day the two of them were going to have. Shoshanna just wagged her tail and seemed to be on board with everything he told her.  


After breakfast they took off. Because his practice was only a few blocks away they could just walk down there. It was a sunny warm day and Castiel enjoyed the sunshine in his face and the sweet smell coming from the cherry blossom trees all around him. The birds were chirping, and he actually felt the need to whistle as he and Shoshanna made their way down the street. He felt free.  


They reached their destination after only ten minutes of walking. The practice itself was a beautiful white building with a marble stairway and apple trees in the front garden. A large sign with his and Dr. Lindt’s names on them proclaimed the practice’s opening hours.  


They entered and were at once greeted by a tiny yapping brown chihuahua that ran a few circles around a well-tempered Shoshanna, then proceeded to lick at Castiel’s extended hands with a passion.  


“Whoa there, buddy, slow down a little, “Castiel laughed.  


“He’s excited to meet his new best friends, Castiel, so he’s entitled to some display of delight, won’t you agree?” a deep female voice said. Castiel looked up from where he squatted on the floor with the two dogs and smiled at the middle-aged brunette woman with the friendly eyes standing in front of him.  


“Hi, Alex. Great to see you again,” he said, and he got up from the floor to embrace her.  


“Castiel, I’m so glad you’re finally here, “she beamed as she crouched down to greet Shoshanna as well. “There’s much to do, I have to tell you. But first things first: did you settle down here alright? Everything unpacked, do you have everything you need?”  


She led him into the staff room where they sat down with two cups of coffee. It was still early, and the first patients would arrive in an hour, so they had some time to talk. He told her about his move and the nice time he had spent with his mother and Gabriel. She told him about the patients who had appointments today and about the general going-ons of the practice. He realized quickly she was easy to talk to and he was happy to have her as his practice partner. She was a calm person with an air of competence and empathy about her – he was looking forward to learning from her about dealing with sick animals as well as their worried owners.  


Soon enough an hour had passed, and he prepared to meet his first patients – a six-year old Golden Retriever with a bad hip. He changed into the white coat Alex handed over to him ceremonially and he took a deep breath.  


_Let the games begin._  


*****  


The hours flew by and suddenly it was 12 o’clock – lunch break. Alex asked him to sit down and eat with her. That’s when he realized he had forgotten to pack himself something for lunch. He was quite embarrassed, and Alex laughed when she saw the frown on his face.  


“I would share with you, but I fear I have only brought enough for one person,” she said. “But you know, there’s a small store around the corner, why don’t you go there real quick and grab yourself something to eat? I think they even sell acceptable salads there.”  


“Okay, I’ll hurry, “he told her and true to his word he hurried outside, Shoshanna following him as usual.  


He found the store Alex had told him about and went inside. He grabbed a roasted chicken sandwich and a small salad as well as a banana smoothie.  


_An apple would be nice for dessert_ , he thought so he made his way to the fruit and vegetables section. He was a little stressed out that he was losing precious minutes of his very first lunch break on his very first day that he turned around the corner a little faster than he should – which caused him to crash into someone coming from the other side rather violently. Castiel gasped as he felt his shoulder connect with something soft and he felt a slight sense of pain – simultaneously he was aware of the other person gasping in surprise as well and collapse to the floor.  


“Oh God, I’m sorry, I was in a hurry, I didn’t pay attention…” he spluttered as he reached out his hand to help the other person stand up – that’s when he recognized the person he had run over. It was Dean Christensen.  


Dean was crumpled unto the floor, shopping basket full of products spilling out still in his hand, a surprised look on his face. Then he looked up at Castiel and his eyes widened a little as he recognized him too.  


“Dean, “Castiel said, alarmed, “I’m really sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He held out his hand once more. “Here, let me help you up.”  


Dean blushed a little and took Castiel’s hand. Castiel gripped him tight and pulled him up. Suddenly they stood face to face and they both hastily took a step back so they would have some space to breathe.  


“Are you okay?” Castiel asked worriedly as he gave Dean a quick once-over. He seemed to be fine apart from being startled.  


“Oh, yeah sure, “Dean answered a little embarrassed, “I’m okay, you just surprised me, is all.”  


“Yeah, I’m on my lunch break, you see, and I was quite in a hurry because I wanted to spend it with my new partner, Dr. Alex Lindt, I think I’ve told you about her? Well, I forgot my lunch on my very first day, so she suggested I come here and buy something real quick so that’s what I did but I really wanted to hurry so my lunch break wasn’t over when I was back so that’s why I turned that corner so quickly….”  


Castiel stopped as he realized he was babbling. He was afraid Dean would think him crazy, but Dean didn’t seem to think so, he just smiled at Castiel with an amused but sympathetic grin.  


“Hey, Castiel, it’s really no problem, I’m not made from sugar, so don’t worry about it, “he said and shrugged.  


“Yeah okay, “Castiel said, “but still, it’s not the way I imagined myself making a good impression on my neighbour.”  


Dean laughed and Castiel’s heart fluttered as his attention was once again drawn to those wonderful lips as well as to the pleasant sound of Dean’s laugh.  


“Hey, you made cookies and brought them to us, “he said. “I think you’re quite talented at making good first impressions.”  


“Is that so?” Castiel exhaled deeply and he grinned. “I’m relieved to hear you say that.”  


They smiled at each other, both obviously a little nervous. After a few seconds they realized they were staring at each other with dumb smiles on their faces and they both looked away quickly.  


“Uhm, here, let me help you with that, “Castiel said as he knelt down to collect the items that had dropped out of Dean’s basket. Dean followed him down instantly and said: 

“No, please, Castiel, I can manage.”  


And they both reached for the same tomato at the same time. Castiel’s hand closed around Dean’s and for a second, they looked at each other, shocked.  


_Oh God._  


Just as quick, they both pulled back their hands as if they had been burned.  


“I’m sorry, “they both said simultaneously, then they laughed.  


“Thanks, Castiel, I’m okay, “Dean said as he quickly grabbed the few items from the floor and put them back into his basket. They stood up together and once again looked at each other nervously.  


“You said you were in a hurry, “Dean said, and he nodded towards Castiel’s lunch in his hands. “I’ll let you get to it then.” He flashed a shy smile at Castiel and that was enough for Castiel’s heart rate to increase into dangerous areas.  


“Oh, okay, “he said quietly, “I’ll be going then. Bye, Dean. It was nice to see you again. See you soon, I hope?” He hoped he didn’t sound too desperate.  


Dean smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”  


Castiel just smiled back. “Okay, bye Dean.” He started to walk away and stopped when he heard Dean answer.  


“Bye, Cas.”  


He turned to Dean again with a raised eyebrow but a smile tugging at his mouth’s right corner. “Cas?”  


Dean’s face turned scarlet. “Oh, I’m sorry, it just came out. Sorry!”  


“Don’t be.” Castiel hurried to say. “I like it.” And he actually managed to wink at Dean as if was totally cool and smooth instead of on the verge of a heart attack because of what had happened. He saw the small look of surprise on Dean’s face as he turned, and he walked towards the fruits and vegetables section with a big grin on his face. He chose an apple and went to pay for his lunch. On the short way back to work the smile just wouldn’t leave his face.  


_He called me Cas. That’s so sweet. He’s so cute when he blushes like that. God, I hope I didn’t hurt him. But he didn’t seem hurt. And I think he felt that spark too when we touched. Or am I imagining things? God, that man drives me crazy._  


He actually had a little bounce in his step as he entered the practice’s staff room. Alex sat at the table with her sandwich half-eaten and she glanced at him with surprise.  


“Castiel, why did you take so long? Did you have trouble finding the store?” she asked.  


“Uh, uhm, no, I didn’t, “he said and smiled as he sat down next to her, laying down his food in front of him on the table.  


“I ran someone over and I had to help him get his things back.” He didn’t elaborate and Alex looked at him with scrutiny.  


“Ooookay, then, “she said as he bit into his sandwich, “enjoy your lunch then. Hey, what did you think of Merlin, the cat with the ear infection? Don’t you also think his lady owner is a little bitchy?”  


She engaged him into a discussion about their patients and he was happy to oblige her, but his thoughts kept drifting back to his encounter with Dean and he had to will himself not to grin like an idiot while his colleague talked about the sad condition of one her feline patients.  


He maintained his good mood all through the afternoon while taking care of his patients. It helped him to connect with the animals and their owners and everyone of them seemed grateful for his cheerful but professional behaviour. One old lady whose cat he treated for a thorn in her left paw even hugged him as she called him “a good, good man”.  


It had been a great first day. There had been many interesting cases and he enjoyed consulting with Alex over them. He felt good working with the animals and calming their owners – he was good at what he was doing, Alex confirmed it too.  


“Go and enjoy a glass of wine, “she said as she shoved him outside the practice at 4 pm. “I refuse to let you work overtime on your very first day. Shoo.”  


He laughed and called over his shoulder: “Alright, see you tomorrow then.”  


He made his way home with Shoshanna who was in a good mood, too. Compared to this morning, he was even happier, and he really had to pull himself together not to break into song right there and then.  


_Must turn on some music when I’m home_ , he thought and that’s what he did. He turned on the radio and sang along loudly to Asia’s “Heat of the Moment” as he danced his way to the kitchen, preparing himself some spaghetti. Even Shoshanna looked at him as if he had gone crazy.  


“Don’t look at me like that, Shosh, “he shouted over the music. “I’ve just met the most perfect man in the world, that’s all.” And he continued dancing and singing.  


That night he fell asleep quickly, tired from the day’s hard work and just before he closed his eyes one last thought came into his mind.  


_I just hope I’ll see him again soon._


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel didn’t see Dean again for the whole week, which sorely disappointed him. He had hoped he would meet him again in the little store near his practice, so he went there every day just to buy himself a smoothie or a protein bar, but he didn’t have any luck. He hoped he would meet Dean on his way to or from work, but he didn’t.  


It was really frustrating and Castiel could only deal with the disappointment by throwing himself into his work. Because it was only his first week, he had a lot to do, obviously: he had to get to know his patients as well as their owners. He learned how Alex liked to handle heir patients and he got to know the practice’s two veterinary technicians, Garth and Meg. (Garth was a really nice and harmless person and Castiel got along with him really quickly. Meg was blunt, very blunt, which caused Castiel to wince a few times when she spoke about their patient’s conditions and he tried to get her to be a little more sensitive but to no avail. She also liked to tease him by calling him “Clarence” which drove him crazy…)  


As a result, he managed to get through the week without thinking of Dean all the time. Only when he opened the door to his house in the late afternoon every day after work did he realize another day had gone by without seeing Dean.  


_We’re only a few houses apart. How come I almost never see him? Maybe he works in another town and is very busy? Maybe he’s sick so he cannot leave the house…?_  


Castiel caught himself quite often brooding over the question why he didn’t see Dean that much, and it was starting to bother him. He wanted to do something so he would see him again, but he didn’t know what he could do. Alastair had made it clear he wasn’t very interested in a friendship with him so he couldn’t just show up at their doorstep again, could he? He didn’t have Dean’s number, so he couldn’t contact him directly either.  


_What am I even thinking about? Dean is a married man. So why am I even thinking about getting to know him? It’s ridiculous, I’m not a homewrecker so should really stop thinking about it._  


He tried to divert himself with cooking, baking, gardening and reading. None of those things kept his mind off Dean so he called a few friends back home as well as Gabriel and his mother just to talk. That helped a little but after all those calls were made; he was back at the start.  


Friday afternoon came and was on the way home, Shoshanna by his side as always. After work he had visited the store again in the hopes of seeing a certain someone but again, he had been disappointed. Hence, he was in a subdued mood as he walked down the street. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and he felt as if they wanted to mock him for feeling blue.  


“Heya sunshine, why the sad face? Some hamster been mean to you?”  


Surprised, Castiel looked up and found himself face to face with a grinning Charlie, the redhead neighbour who had appreciated his cookies so much. He realized just now they were standing in front of her house and she was holding a watering can in her hand, obviously tending to the flowers in her front garden.  


He felt inclined to make some cynical remark in response to her provocative joke but then he saw that she looked at him with sincere empathy, so he just sighed and shrugged.  


“Hey, Charlie. No, all the hamsters were quite nice today, thank you.” He grinned at her and she chuckled.  


“I’m relieved to hear that, “she said, then her face turned serious again, “but I can tell that there’ something wrong. You wanna talk about it? No pressure or anything…”  


He hesitated. He didn’t know her apart from that one time and it seemed a bit much to confess the reason for his melancholy to her.  


_Although I could really use a friend here, he realized. If I wanna feel really at home here, I need some friends so I might as well start with her. She seems nice. Genuine._  


He realized she was looking at him with raised eyebrows and he hurried to answer her question. “Yes, Charlie, actually, I’d like that, thank you.”  


She smiled as if really happy that he was willing to put his trust in her and she grabbed his arm eagerly.  


“Come on then, honey. Let’s sit in the backyard. I’ll get us some coffee.”  


Ten minutes later they were sitting in quite comfortable garden chairs in Charlie’s and Jo’s beautiful backyard with fresh coffee. Charlie produced a tennis ball from somewhere and began throwing it, so Shoshanna had something to do. Castiel was grateful that Charlie was nice to his dog. She really hadn’t gotten a lot of exercise lately.  


“So, it’s just us two. Jo just left to work her shift at the Roadhouse.” Charlie threw the ball once more then gazed at Castiel intensely. “Care to tell me what’s wrong, Castiel? 

You’ve been here for such a short time. Are you already unhappy with your job, is that it?”  


“No, my job’s perfect, “Castiel sighed again, “Dr. Lindt is great to work with and I really enjoy treating my patients, they’ve all been very nice.”  


“Well, Castiel, that’s awesome, right?” Charlie said with a smile, “what could be the problem then?”  


Castiel didn’t know how to explain his situation without embarrassing himself but he also felt the need to confide in someone, so he decided to just spill the beans.  


“Well, actually, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I’m trusting you won’t laugh at me.” He raised his eyebrows at her, and she raised her hands defensively in return.  


“Hey, I’m no saint, I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try, okay?”  


“Okay, “Castiel said and he looked down as he continued, “I’ve kinda developed a mad crush on someone. I’ve just seen him twice but the minute I saw him I knew he was special. I cannot stop thinking about him, it’s driving me crazy.”  


_Well, now it’s out._  


He waited for her laugh, but it didn’t come. He looked up and saw her beaming at him.  


“Oh, Castiel! That’s so super sweet!” She jumped at little up and down in her seat and she actually clapped her hands together in excitement. He had to smile when she leaned forward to touch his arm.  


“Honestly, Castiel, that’s sounds like he could become someone really special to you, “she said with joy in her voice, “few people ever fall in love at first sight and although I don’t really know that it exists it sounds as if it happened for you.”  


He shrugged and she bit her lip as her smile turned into a frown. “So, what’s the downside? There has to be one or you wouldn’t look like a sad puppy that didn’t get his treat.”  


“It’s quite simple really, “Castiel said quietly. “He’s married.”  


“Oh.” Charlie’s shoulders slumped down. “Well, that’s a bummer.”  


“I know, “Castiel agreed, “and his husband seems to be a real asshole. Didn’t like me looking at his husband and got all territorial. So, I know I should just forget him, because I don’t wanna be a homewrecker. But I can’t, Charlie. For the past few days I’ve really tried to not think about him, to divert myself with other stuff but my mind seems to be stuck on Dean.”  


“Dean, huh?” Charlie asked, then with sudden urgency in her voice “Wait, do I know these guys? There aren’t that many married gay couples here that I know of…”  


Castiel nodded. “Well, they’re the new neighbours who didn’t introduce themselves yet. The husband is Chief of the police here in Medford, I think Jo mentioned that, too.”  


“Whoa, seriously?” Charlie jumped up in her seat. “Well, that’s interesting! Doesn’t exactly shines a bright light on the LGBT community, them not introducing themselves and all ….”  


“Charlie, could you please focus on the matter at hand?” Castiel said ironically.  


“Right, sorry, “she replied, “okay, so you’re in love with Dean and his police husband’s a dick. You can’t seem to get him out of your head so you wanna meet him again, right? Although that would clearly only cause serious problems.” She furrowed her brows. “That the situation, right?”  


“Right, “Castiel said with a small voice.  


“You’re fucked, Castiel. Sorry.” She said apologetically. He nodded, defeated. “Yeah, I know.”  


“I mean, they are married, Castiel.” Her voiced turned into something softer. “Do you really wanna push yourself between them?”  


“I know I shouldn’t.” Castiel sighed again. “I know if a friend of mine would ask my advice on this kind of situation I would tell him or her to stay the heck out of it. To just let it be.” He stopped and smiled when he saw Charlie nodding dramatically to his words.  


“But I can’t, Charlie. Somehow, I can’t do it. He’s haunting me. I lie awake at night and think about his smile, his voice, his laugh … Yes, I know I sound cheesy.” Charlie stayed silent but nodded her head up and down exaggeratedly.  


Castiel tried a different angle. “But there’s something wrong about that husband of his. He seemed way to possessive over Dean, it really seemed odd in front of a neighbour who was just introducing himself. Maybe there’s something wrong with him.”  


Charlie prompted: “He’s a cop.”  


Castiel raised an eyebrow. “And? Cops can be psycho, too, can’t they?”  


“Yeah, you’re right of course, “Charlie admits, “but him simply being one makes the whole situation kinda worse for you.”  


Castiel just nodded. He knew she was pointing out the truth and he couldn’t deny it.  


They sat in silence for a few minutes. Charlie kept throwing the ball for an excited Shoshanna who didn’t seem to tire at all. Castiel closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the sunshine on his face, to just forget about everything for a few seconds to enjoy the moment. It was summer, he had a wonderful job, it was great here. He had a good life.  


“Well, Castiel,” Charlie spoke up again and he opened his eyes again to look at her expectantly, “it’s really early to say this but it seems you should maybe get to know Dean a little bit better. Just to get it out of your system. Maybe you’ll realize he isn’t so great after all.”  


“I seriously doubt that…” Castiel protested but Charlie raised her hand to stop him. “Please, Castiel, I’m trying to give you some life-changing advice, here.” He smiled and gestured for her to continue.  


She did. “I suggest you try to meet him again. Talk to him. Maybe when his macho husband isn’t anywhere near, of course.”  


“But how should I do that, Charlie? He said. “I hoped to meet him on the street or in the store by chance, but it only happened once.”  


“You can’t just run around like a headless chicken and hope you’ll meet him by chance, “Charlie said and they both grinned. “You have to initiate something. I suggest you throw a party. You have to throw one anyway for all the neighbours here so you could just kill two birds with one stone and get to know Dean a little better.”  


Castiel’s face lit up. “That’s a great idea, Charlie. I think I’m gonna do that. It’s a great way of getting to know everybody and it won’t look suspicious to anyone. Maybe I can talk to Dean alone then?” The thought alone made him feel giddy and Charlie laughed when she saw his excitement growing by the seconds.  


“Sounds like a plan, hotshot. Let’s do it. I think a barbecue would be appropriate in this weather.” He nodded along to her words in joyous excitement.  


“You should tell everyone to bring something to eat.”  


“Yes, great idea.”  


“Next Saturday sound good to you?” She laughed as he nodded again fervently. “Okay. Jo and I can help you prepare. I suggest you write some invitations and throw them into everyone’s mailboxes, that’s the easiest way of letting everyone know.”  


They talked about a few ideas for the barbecue and Castiel felt himself relax. At one point he jumped about and ran around with Shoshanna, wrestling with her in the grass while Charlie cheered them on.  


They made plans to shop together for meat and beer next Friday, then Castiel said his goodbye. They hugged and Castiel felt he had already formed a bond with her. He expressed his gratitude towards her, but she just shrugged and said “Happy to help. If there’s anything, gimme a text or call, okay?”  


He nodded and waved as he stepped outside on the street again, Shoshanna right beside him. He walked the few meters to his house with a huge smile on his face.  


_I’m gonna see Dean again. It’s gonna be great._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, there was very little time the past few weeks. I hope this chapter makes you happy. I need to get the story going now...

Finally, the day of his party had arrived and Castiel was really nervous. He had spent quite some time planning it – from the lights and decoration to types of meat and salads to buy and prepare. He realized he overdid it, it was only a little neighbourhood party in his garden to introduce himself and get to know everybody. It was almost ridiculous. But he couldn’t help himself, he caught himself browsing through his cooking books and enjoying himself. In the end he decided to just go with it and do as he pleased.  


On Friday he went shopping with Charlie which turned out to be real fun. She was so easy-going and relaxed, they had a blast. They bought a ton of meat and five crates of different beers – he just hoped it was enough for everyone. He had invited about thirty people, everyone from his street plus his three colleagues from the practice, and most of them had agreed to come. He hadn’t heard back from the Christensens, though and he hadn’t seen them either. He tried not to be too disappointed. _Maybe they aren’t home. Or maybe Alastair doesn’t want them to go? They’re probably busy…_  


He shook his head and concentrated on hanging his string lights into the huge Maple tree in his backyard. Everything else was ready, the barbecue stuff was prepared, the salads were made as well as his special ‘secret recipe’ Mousse au Chocolat, worshipped by Gabriel and almost everyone else who tasted it. Everything was ready and he was waiting for the first guests to arrive. _It’s going to be great even if he’s not coming. I should be happy I’m meeting all my lovely neighbours, I’m sure I’ll have a great time. And there’s still the possibility he could show up…._  


The doorbell rang and he took a deep breath. _Here goes._  


It was Charlie and Jo, each carrying a bowl of food in their hands. They had promised to be early so they could help him getting everybody drinks and starting early conversations so it wouldn’t be too stiff.  


“Heya, “Angel”, Charlie grinned, and she hugged him tight. “Let’s get this party started.”  


Most of the other guests arrived shortly after and Castiel was very grateful Charlie and Jo were there to loosen things up. They introduced him to everybody and told little anecdotes to break the ice. Charlie flattered old grumpy Bobby into taking care of the meat, Jo put on some music and seated everyone. While the girls took care of logistics, he only had to welcome everybody and to talk to his guests. Everyone was quite interested in his background, where did he come from, why did he wanna become a vet and so on. 

After an hour everyone who had agreed to come had shown up, so he turned the music down a little, cleared his voice and tapped his spoon against his beer bottle. Everyone stopped taking and looked at him expectantly.  


“Hi everyone, “he started, “I just wanted to say: Welcome to my little barbecue, thank you all for coming. And thank you so much for welcoming me here into your neighbourhood, I feel so much at home here already.” He saw Jodie Mills smile at him encouragingly and he smiled back, adding “There’s tons of food, so enjoy. I look forward to talking to all of you. Have fun.”  


“Hear, hear!” Charlie called and they all cheered as Castiel turned the music back up. He went and prepared himself a plate of food, then sat down next to Claire and Alex, Jodie’s daughters. “How’s school?” he asked them, genuinely interested, and that started a long conversation. Before long he was drawn into a huge discussion with them and a few others about the benefits and the errors of America’s health care system and he hugely enjoyed himself. He loosened up even more after drinking a few bottles of beer and he laughed and joked with everyone as he tried to win the argument.  


After a few hours he felt a little light-headed. It was almost completely dark now, only the light from his string lights illuminating his backyard. Everyone had eaten and he decided to start cleaning up. He had talked to everybody of his neighbours and had really had a good time. He had also consumed quite a lot of beer and he thought cleaning up would clear his head a little. He cleared away all the dishes and headed into the kitchen to put them into the dishwasher. A few minutes of peace and quiet would be nice.  


After putting all the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher he started to wash the items too big for the dishwasher in the sink. He felt himself relax as he slowly moved his hands in the hot water, and he started to hum to himself as he worked. He heard the people outside talking as the door to the backyard was open, but they weren’t loud enough to understand and he enjoyed the quiet after talking so much the past few hours, he enjoyed being by himself.  


“Can I help you with that?” a quiet voice next to him asked.  


Startled, Castiel looked up and was surprised to see Dean standing in the doorway. He was dressed in a simple white shirt and a jeans, and he held a bottle of white wine in his hands. He looked at Castiel with a shy smile while his whole body betrayed his nervousness. For a second, Castiel’s heart stopped. Again. _He’s here, after all. Oh God, he’s here._ Castiel squealed internally.  


“Oh, hey Dean, “he said casually, and he grabbed a towel to dry his hands. “I didn’t know if you’d come. You didn’t answer my invitation.” Dean’s smile turned into fear, so he hastened to add “But that’s okay, don’t worry. It’s only a small informal party. I’m glad you could make it after all.”  


He made a step forward and extended his hand to Dean who hesitated only a second, then shook Castiel’s hand.  


“Cas, I-I’m so sorry, I should have contacted you. But you know, we didn’t know if we could come because Alastair has to work a lot on weekends at the moment and we didn’t want to say we would come without knowing completely. As it turns out, he actually has to work tonight, but I thought it’s such a lovely evening and all our neighbours are here and you know, I-I thought I’d stop by…”  


Dean was ranting again but Castiel didn’t care. He was still shaking Dean’s hand and enjoying every second of it. His skin felt so soft and warm and he wanted to pull Dean into his arms and touch his face to see if the skin there was as soft. He heard Dean talking but he could hardly concentrate on the words as he was mesmerized once again by the green in Dean’s eyes, clouded over by emotions he could not read. Was it fear? Embarrassment?  


“Castiel? Are you alright?” He realized he was staring, and he let go of Dean’s hand at once.  


“I’m sorry, “he said, “no need to worry. You’re here now, that’s all that counts. I’m sorry Alastair couldn’t come.” _So not sorry._  


Dean smiled in relief. “That’s so nice of you, thanks. I hope it’s okay I show up now, I just realized it’s already a bit late. I brought some wine, too, I hope you like white wine. Although I wasn’t sure if bringing wine to a barbecue correlated with common etiquette…” He sighed and stopped himself as he saw Castiel looking at him with slightly raised eyebrows but a huge grin on his face.  


“I know, I know. I talk too much, I know.” He hung his head a little.  


“Oh no, “Castiel hurried to exclaim, “I think it’s” … he stopped himself before he could say “cute” and opted for “likeable.”  


“You really think so?” Dean asked doubtfully.  


“Yes, I do, “Castiel looked into the other man’s eyes to prove his sincerity. “I love white wine. Would you drink a glass with me? That is, after you helped me with the dishes, if your offer still stands?”  


“Of course.” Dean nodded and smiled so openly that Castiel felt a feeling of warmth spread in his chest. He handed Dean a cloth to dry the dishes with, grabbed his own wet cloth and they went to work side by side, cleaning and drying the dishes.  


They remained silent and it felt totally natural that way. It should feel awkward cleaning the dishes with another man you almost don’t know in total silence, but it didn’t. It was as if they understood another just as well and they felt comfortable in each other’s presence, even without talking. Castiel was simply elevated. He had almost completely lost hope of seeing Dean tonight and now he was here, standing right next to him, breathing right next to him. He could actually feel the warmth radiating from Dean’s body and it succeeded it raising his own body temperature even more.  


_Here we are. Him and me. Crazy, how I can imagine washing the dishes with him in silence for the rest of the evening…I must be crazy._  


Castiel smiled and couldn’t help but chuckle quietly. He saw Dean turning his head toward him, but he didn’t say anything. So they continued to work in silence.  


After ten minutes they were finished. Castiel took the wet towel from Dean and beckoned towards the bottle Dean had brought with him.  


“How about that glass of wine now, hm?”  


“Yes, thank you, “Dean smiled, and they sat down at the kitchen table opposite each other. Castiel opened the bottle of wine and filled two glasses for them.  


“Cheers, “he said and raised his glass.  


Dean smiled and tapped his glass against Castiel’s. “Cheers.”  


They both sipped from their glasses and then looked at each other, both of them a little unsure what to do now, but not in an uncomfortable way. Castiel decided to take the initiative.  


“So, Dean, tell me about yourself. I’m quite curious, I must admit. Where do you come from? What do you do? How did you come to live here?”  


Dean blushed and looked down. “So many questions at once. Are you really interested? I don’t think I could tell you anything exciting…”, he said quietly.  


“Nonsense, Dean,” Castiel said with a firm voice, causing Dean to look up at him again, “I am interested, I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t. Please, tell me.”  


Dean sighed. “Okay.” He took another sip of wine. “Well, originally I’m from Salem, that’s a small town near Portland. I loved living in a small town, everyone knew everybody, I had many friends. I have a younger sister and an older brother, and we got along very well, too. After high school. I went to Portland Community College and studied Music.”  


“That’s interesting, “Castiel chipped in, “what did you specialize in?”  


“The guitar, “Dean answered, and he smiled to himself, as if lost in thought. “I love playing the guitar, my old friend Chris taught me how to play and it’s kinda my thing now. Well, halfway through my studies I met Alastair, we uhm, we fell in love and decided to move in together shortly after. I graduated and shortly after that, he got this great job offer here in Medford as Chief. So, we decided to move here, bought the house and everything.”  


“Huh.” Castiel noticed how Dean’s voice had changed when he told him about Alastair. It seemed it was a topic he wasn’t so keen to talk about, so he decided not to dwell on it.  


“Do you have a job here?” he asked instead.  


Dean nodded. “Yes, I work part-time as a music teacher at the local music school. It doesn’t pay very well, but I love working with children and teenagers. I love showing them how to develop their talents, showing them how to elicit the most beautiful sounds from this beautiful instrument they hold in their hands.”  


His eyes sparkled as he spoke and Castiel swallowed. He loved hearing Dean talk about things he loved. He wished he would talk about him that way. He wished he could hear Dean play the guitar sometime.  


“I would love to hear you play sometime, “he said.  


“Oh, I’m really not that good, “Dean said at once.  


Castiel frowned. “I’m sure you’re good or they wouldn’t let you teach. You really don’t seem to think of yourself all that much. Why?” And he tilted his head to the side, his eyes piercing into Dean’s, blue into green. Dean stared at him wide-eyed, surprised. Castiel seemed to have touched a nerve.  


“W-well, I don’t know, “Dean eventually stuttered, suddenly nervous again, “I was always that way, a little shy, a little awkward, I – I guess it didn’t go away when I got older. I’m sorry.” He put his glass on the table a little too abruptly and a few drops of wine spilled on the table. Dean jumped out of his chair at once. “Oh God, I’m so sorry!”  


Castiel was shocked. “Dean. It’s only a few drops, please sit down again, I’ll take care of it.”  


But Dean had already turned to search for something to clean up the wine. “I’m sorry, I’ll clean this up at once. I’m always so clumsy, I always do this. I should really be more careful.” He moved around in the kitchen, muttering nervously, still searching.  


Castiel stood up and stepped behind Dean. “Dean, please listen to me. You don’t have to clean up.”  


But Dean didn’t seem to hear him. “Always making a mess, that’s just me. I’m sorry, please, can you tell me where to find a paper towel?” His voice was almost hysteric now and Castiel decided to just move.  


“Dean, stop it, “he said firmly, and he put his right hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean froze instantly but Castiel didn’t let go. He wanted Dean to know his touch was no danger to him, no threat. So he just stood behind Dean with his hand on his shoulder.  


“Why are you so upset, Dean?” Castiel asked quietly. “It’s just a few drops of wine, nothing to be upset about.”  


Dean exhaled his breath loudly, his body lost all its stiffness. “I-I’m sorry, Castiel, “he said quietly without turning. Castiel hesitated, then he reached forward and softly put his hands on Dean’s arms, used some force to turn him around. Dean didn’t resist but still looked down to the ground.  


“Why, Dean, “Castiel asked as he now stood before Dean and tried to make eye contact, “why are you sorry? There’s absolutely nothing to be sorry about.”  


Dean finally raised his head again and looked into Castiel’s eyes. Castiel was shocked to see tears shimmer in Dean’s green ones. Dean seemed to fight hard so they wouldn’t fall, he was breathing heavily, and his lips were pressed together tightly.  


He swallowed heavily as he finally seemed to be able to speak. “It’s just that….I always mess things up, I guess, “he whispered at last.  


Castiel stared at him, for a moment absolutely speechless. He resisted the urge to raise his hand to Dean’s face to stroke his cheek in comfort.  


“But…” he tried at last, but he didn’t know what to say. _Why is he so upset? Have I done something wrong? What has happened that he’s suddenly so scared?_  


“Dean, I … I’m shocked to see you this way, “he started again, “have I said something wrong?”  


Dean’s eyes widened. “Oh God, no, you done nothing! Oh God, I’m being ridiculous again, aren’t I?” He wiped frantically at his eyes and he stepped a little away from Castiel. His breathing was quite agitated now.  


“Absolutely not, “Castiel exclaimed. “Okay, this has to stop. Come here and sit down.” He took Dean’s hand and pulled him towards the couch on the other side of the room, ignoring Dean’s feeble resistance. “Please, sit down, “he repeated in a firm voice and Dean did as he was told. Castiel sat next to him and took his hands. They were shaking.  


“Okay, I want you to close your eyes and breathe with me, “he said as he looked at Dean seriously. “Can you do that?”  


Dean said nothing and hesitated but after a few seconds he nodded slowly. He closed his eyes and Castiel did too.  


He held Dean’s hands firmly and said “Now, inhale slowly through your nose. Then, exhale deeply through your mouth. One, two, three.”  


They inhaled and exhaled together, with eyes closed. Again and again, they did this small little exercise until gradually, Castiel felt the tension leave Dean’s body.  


“You can stop now, “he said, and he let go of Deans hand. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Castiel in wonder.  


“Are you feeling better now?” Castiel asked softly.  


Dean nodded slowly. “I think I do, thank you.” He furrowed his brows. “What did you do just now?”  


Castiel smiled. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just a little breathing exercise to calm you down. I’ve learned it at college in a seminar about psychosomatic medicine. It’s very simple but quite effective.”  


Dean sighed and ran his hand through his hair. _Absolutely adorable._  


“This is so embarrassing. I bet you don’t want to get to know me better now anymore, do you?” he said quietly.  


“Dean, please listen to me, “Castiel said quickly, “I assure you. Nothing has changed. I like you and I want to get to know you better. What has just happened hasn’t changed anything. I’m just worried about you. I just wish I knew why you were so upset so suddenly.” He tried to make eye contact with Dean again, but Dean avoided his gaze.  


“You’re very nice. Really, thanks, “he said and stood up. “But I think I have to go now.”  


“Why?” Castiel asked. “It’s still early, you haven’t even eaten anything…”  


“Oh, I’m not hungry, thank you, “Dean answered quickly. “And Alastair could be back from his shift soon, so I don’t wanna keep him waiting. Thank you for everything.” Dean hurried towards the front door, but Castiel stopped him.  


“Dean, wait, “he called, and Dean stopped, hand on the door knob. “Please don’t leave like this. Let’s meet soon so we can talk a little more. Would that be okay for you?”  


Dean turned and looked at Castiel doubtfully.  


“Would that be okay for me? Well, yeah, I guess…”  


“Great, then give me your phone number, I’ll text you, “Castiel said and he took his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it and handed it over to Dean.  


Dean typed his number in and gave the phone back with a doubtful look on his face.  


“I look forward to seeing you again, Dean, “Castiel said as firmly as he could so Dean would believe it. It seemed to get the message through because Dean’s eyes lit up a bit before he simply nodded and left.  


Castiel stared at the door after that for a long time. He was still shocked by what had happened and he wished he could understand Dean better. It seemed there was a lot going on in the other man’s mind and he was eager to find out what exactly that was.  


_I have to get back to the party now. People will wonder where I am, I shouldn’t be impolite._  


So he turned and went to mingle with his guests again. He managed to engage in some more or less meaningful conversations with some of them, but his mind couldn’t free itself of his encounter with Dean and the one screaming question in the room that filled his whole being: What the heck was going on?


	7. Chapter 7

He managed to restrain himself from texting Dean for the next two days. Then he just couldn’t wait any longer. After wracking his brain all day at work on which words to write (it was really hard concentrating on his patients), he huddled himself into the corner of his couch after dinner with Shoshanna’s head in his lap and pulled out his phone nervously. He stared at the screen for a long time but still he hadn’t typed a single letter.  


“I’m being ridiculous, Shoshanna, aren’t I?” he said to his dog with a heavy sigh. Shoshanna licked his face with sincere sympathy, as if she wanted to encourage him to just write something.  


“Yes, you’re right, I should just do it, “he agreed. He patted Shoshanna’s head fondly and with another shaky sigh he typed his words in.  


_Hello, Dean. This is Castiel, your neighbour. I just wondered if you’d like to meet up sometime soon. Just for coffee or whatever you would prefer._  


He stopped himself from writing more. This was long enough, he shouldn’t overdo it. So he pressed “Send” and immediately his heart rate picked up. He stared at the screen once again and he felt tiny beads of sweat trickling down his neck, suddenly he felt quite warm. The big clock in his living room seemed suddenly very to be clicking very loud and the silence around him was deafening. Castiel couldn’t stop himself from nibbling at his nails as he impatiently waited for an answer from Dean.  


_Will he even answer? Could be that he’s not interested in seeing me after what happened last time. He could be embarrassed or maybe I overwhelmed him. Maybe he was just polite, and he just gave me his number because he didn’t want to affront me. Maybe…_  


His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden ping from his phone and he swallowed heavily as he opened his new message.  


_Hi, Cas, it’s really nice to hear from you. I’d like to meet you, but maybe not for coffee if that’s alright with you. Sorry, I’ll explain later. Maybe we could just take a walk? Dean_  


Castiel’s face lit up with a huge smile and he let out a big breath of relief. _He’s calling me Cas again. And he wants to see me. He quickly typed back an answer._  


_That’s no problem at all, Dean, a walk would be great. What about the path leading down to the lake? It’s not too far but it’s beautiful and we could take Shoshanna with us, she’d be overjoyed._  


Dean’s answer came at once.  


_Sounds good._  


_Are you free Thursday afternoon?_ Castiel wrote, with his heart beating in his throat. _I’m off work early, around 3 pm. I don’t know if your husband’s working, I don’t wanna keep you from him…?_ He added that last part nervously, it sounded a little strange, but he didn’t want to suggest Dean spend time with him if his husband was home, that could be awkward.  


_No, Thursday sounds fine._  


Castiel smiled and they exchanged the detail of their meeting. Then he wrote _I’m looking forward to Thursday then._  


_Me, too. Bye, Cas._  


Castiel couldn’t help but giggle excitedly after this short “conversation” with Dean. It had been short, and Dean’s answers had been short, too but what did that matter? _He wants to see me! I’m going to see him in just two days!_  


Suddenly he jumped up from his seat at the couch, startling Shoshanna from her idle position as well. He felt the sudden need to move, so he went to his stereo, picked out a record from his huge collection and placed it on his record player (he was old-fashioned, he preferred the record player over a CD player or even Bluetooth and he even owned a Walkman along with tapes for when he was out and about).  


Simon and Garfunkel’s “Cecilia” began to blare loudly through his living room and on impulse, he started dancing along to the music.  


“Ceeeelia, you’re breaking my heart, you’re shaking my confidence daily. Oh, Ceciliaaa, I’m down on my knees, I’m begging you please to come home.” 

He sang along happily, and he didn’t care that he was probably off-key. Shoshanna circled him along with the occasional bark as he danced and sang his way to the song.  


His good mood remained with him for the whole night even as he sat down for some paper work at his desk. He hummed to himself happily as he worked on his patients’ reports and the words just seemed to flow out from his fingers effortlessly.  


He simply ignored the little voice in the back of his mind that told him he was playing a dangerous game.  


**********************************************************************************  


Thursday afternoon came and Castiel was excited. He had decided to skip lunch in favour of a little more work so he could eat with Dean later. He had packed a little picnic in his backpack for the two of them – he just hoped that didn’t make him look overeager, but he wanted them to have a good time and he knew that conversations went always easier if there was some food to concentrate on.  


As he approached the beginning of the path where they had agreed to meet, he noticed his heart beating faster again and his mouth felt a little dry. Dean was nowhere to be seen though. He looked at his watch and realized he was a little bit early. He sat down on a big stone, Shoshanna lying down next to him, and began to wait.  


15 Minutes later and Dean still hadn’t shown up. Disappointment spread out in Castiel’s chest and he finally stood up to make his way home again. _He was just polite, I should have known. He’s just not interested…_  


Just then, Dean stumbled around the corner, hurrying to where Castiel was with a panicked look on his face.  


“I’m so sorry, Castiel! I didn’t mean to be late, I-I please…I’m sorry!” The words flew from his mouth.  


He stopped in front of Castiel, trying to catch his breath. On instinct, Castiel reached out and placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder, trying to soothe him.  


“Dean, calm down, “he said, trying to hide the relief in his voice, “it’s alright, you’re not that late.”  


Dean looked at him with doubt in his mind, but he seemed to relax a little under Castiel’s reassuring touch. Then he noticed Shoshanna jumping up at him with a waggling tail and his eyes lit up.  


“Hey there, little lady! How are you, beautiful?” He crouched down and petted the happy dog with obvious enthusiasm, a huge grin on his face. He petted and cooed and pressed his face against Shoshanna’s snout and it was such an adorable sight that Castiel caught himself staring at them with an open mouth. Dean was beautiful and intriguing and he obviously loved dogs – could he be even more perfect?  


He cleared his voice to get Dean’s attention again. “Shall we get going then? I’ve brought some food so we can have a little picnic if you like” he asked, and Dean nodded happily. He seemed to have gotten over his nervousness for being late. They started their walk along the path, Shoshanna trotting beside them merrily.  


“So, “Castiel said with a casual look at Dean, “it seems you like dogs?”  


“Oh, I adore them, “Dean answered with a smile. “I’ve always wanted one but you need a lot of space and time for a dog and I never had a lot of that so I couldn’t get one.”  


Castiel hummed. “That’s a shame but you’re right. It’s not fair to get a dog when you can’t offer him what he needs. What kind of dog do you like?”  


“I like the big ones, “Dean said with excitement in his voice. “Or at least middle sized. Golden Retrievers, German shepherds, Australian Shepherds or a beautiful Labrador, just like yours.” He patted Shoshanna’s head affectionately and she leaned into his touch gratefully.  


“But if I could really choose a race, I would go with a Bernese mountain dog. They are just beautiful with the log fur and their colour and they are very friendly too. Our neighbours next door, back in Salem, had one named King Louis and he was simply the best. We used to play and wrestle in our backyard when I was still a kid, I really thought of him as my friend.”  


Castiel chuckled as an image of a young Dean wrestling with a huge Bernese mountain dog filled his mind. He felt as if he had received a little present from Dean, a little personal piece from himself, from his past.  


“I was really devastated when Louis died, “Dean went on with a slightly lower voice.  


“Oh.” Castiel didn’t know what to say to that at first and they stayed silent for a minute or two.  


“So why don’t you get a dog now?” he asked eventually. Dean looked at him a little strangely and Castiel thought he could detect a hint of embarrassment in the other man’s eyes.  


“You only work part-time, and you have a big house now, with a garden and lots of beautiful nature around. There should be no problem owning a dog now, right?” He raised his eyebrows questioningly and Dean ducked his head a little.  


“I’d love to get one, “he said quietly, “but Alastair doesn’t want to.”  


“Why? Is he allergic or something?” Castiel asked quickly, hoping he wasn’t prying too much.  


Dean shook his head and Castiel thought he looked quite sad when he said “He just doesn’t like dogs that much. Says they cause too much dirt and they cost too much, what with the regular veterinary appointments and illnesses and such.”  


“Oh.” Castiel didn’t know what to say to that either. He wanted to say that it was at least a little selfish of Alastair to just decide for the two of them that they couldn’t get a dog. Even if he could understand the arguments against it, if it was so important do Dean it was at least worth considering it, wasn’t it? Dean could take care of him, Alastair wouldn’t need to do anything, he seemed to be working all the time anyway… _Okay, Castiel, hold your horses. You can’t say anything like that, so just leave it be._  


Awkward silence engulfed them and Castiel didn’t like it, so he changed the topic.  


“You know how I came to own Shoshanna? Someone brought a pregnant Labrador into the clinic where I worked at the time, she had a thorn in her paw and was bleeding quite badly. Shortly after we helped her, she gave birth to four beautiful pups and I couldn’t help myself, I fell in love with Shoshanna at first sight and I had to have her…”  


He went on with his little anecdote and enjoyed Dean’s open enthusiasm for it. He chuckled quietly when Castiel explained how he at first tried in vain to get Shoshanna to not pee inside his apartment and his brows furrowed in sympathy when he told the story how his little dog had almost died when she was four months old because of an infected ear wound that wouldn’t go away. He didn’t fail to notice the irony of telling his story of love at first sight with Shoshanna to Dean.  


They chatted easily for the rest of the path until they eventually reached the lake. There were quite a few people there which made sense because it was a beautiful sunny day, it was the perfect place to go swimming and to relax with family and friends.  


“Come on, “Dean said quietly, jerking his head to a small path to the right, “I know a quiet place.”  


So Castiel followed him down the path. They had to make their way through some heavy thicket and at one point they simply left the path, wandering through the high grass. 

After a little while they reached a little bay and it was beautiful. There was a huge willow with its branches reaching right into the water and Dean was right: nobody was there, it was peaceful and quiet, only a few birds were singing in the trees.  


“So, you already acquainted yourself with the area?” he asked as they settled down in the grass on a blanket Castiel had brought with him, at the foot of the willow. “Although you haven’t been living here much longer than I am.”  


“Oh yes, “Dean answered. “I love taking long walks by myself and I’ve explored the area very quickly. It’s beautiful around here, but there are always a lot of people here and I, “he blushed a little, “well I prefer to have a lot of quiet time so I searched around for a few places where I could be by myself.”  


“I understand completely, “Castiel laughed with sincere sympathy, “after being around my colleagues and a load of patients all day I tend to prefer being alone myself.” He flicked his hand against Dean’s arm playfully. “Just watch out that I won’t steal your secret hiding places from you.”  


Dean blushed again and Castiel restrained himself from sighing in happiness. He could watch Dean blushing forever and not get tired of it. He shook his head to clear it and clapped his hands together.  


“So, I’ve brought a little picnic with me. I hope you like it.”  


He opened his backpack and piece by piece retrieved quite a lot of food or containers with food. Dean’s eyes widened as he saw how much Castiel had brought: fresh bread, already cut, as well as three different kinds of cheese and ham. Tomatoes, olives, cucumber, salt and pepper. One box contained a generous portion of Castiel’s home made fruit salad, another contained his favourite kind of espresso brownies, also homemade. He had also brought a few pieces of his blue cheese quiche, leftovers from his lunch yesterday, as well as water and coffee in two separate thermos flasks.  


“Cas, you brought too much!” Dean exclaimed nervously. “You didn’t bring so much just for the two of us, didn’t you?”  


“Indeed, I did, “Castiel said proudly, “I know it’s a bit much, but I didn’t know what you like to eat, and I didn’t want you to stay hungry on our first” - he bit his tongue - “walk.”  


Dean continued to stare at all the food in silent wonder so Castiel cleared his voice to get his attention again. “Do you like blue cheese? I know it has a very special flavour and not many people like it…”  


“I love it, “Dean fell in quickly. “I don’t get to eat it so often because uhm, you know Alastair’s…. hates it so I don’t use it for my cooking.”  


Castiel tried not to sound too annoyed when he asked “Your cooking? Doesn’t Alastair cook, too?”  


“Uhm, no, “Dean answered without looking at Castiel. “It’s not his thing, so I do it.” He hurried to add “I like it, though. Cooking. It helps me relax, I love just listening to some music and preparing a meal by myself.”  


“Me, too, as you can see, “Castiel pointed at all the containers in front of them. “I think we have that in common.” And he smiled at Dean with such enthusiasm that Dean’s eyes widened a little before he smiled back shyly.  


“So, let’s get to it. Do you want ham or cheese on your bread or both?”  


They chatted once again easily as Castiel prepared them some nice sandwiches from the ingredients he had brought. When Dean took his first bite with closed eyes, he gave just a barely audible moan but that was enough to send a surge of heat through Castiel’s loins. Dean was shy but it was obvious he was enjoying Castiel’s food very much.  


“This is heaven, “he said with conviction as he first tasted the quiche. “Can you give me the recipe?”  


“Sure, sure, “Castiel chuckled, happy that he made Dean happy with something so simple as food.  


Dean enjoyed the fruit salad and the brownies as well although he admitted to Castiel that his most favourite dessert in the whole world was pie. Castiel resolved he would bake Dean a whole pie just for himself someday and it would be the best pie he had ever made.  


He noticed that Dean only ate a little of everything and he asked why Dean wouldn’t eat more. Dean shifted a little nervously and shrugged eventually. “Well, it’s not because it’s not delicious, Cas, because it definitely is, but you know, I don’t wanna eat too much because…” He stopped and hesitated.  


“Yes?” Castiel asked with piqued interest.  


“Uhm, well, uh, I-I don’t wanna get, you know….” Dean was stuttering again, barely getting out his sentence, “I don’t wanna get fat.”  


Castiel was dumbfounded. Dean sat there looking a little miserable. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to…I-I “. He stopped, apparently irritated with himself.  


_What the heck?_  


“Why on earth would you think you would get fat just from eating normal portions at one picnic?” he managed to ask at last.  


Dean simply shrugged and hung his head. Castiel shifted a little and placed his hand over Dean’s very softly. The other man flinched ever so slightly but he didn’t take his hand away.  


“Did Alastair tell you that?” Castiel asked quietly. “Did he tell you not to eat so much?”  


Dean closed his eyes for a second and Castiel wished he hadn’t asked that question. They were only beginning to get to know each other, he wasn’t allowed to ask such questions, at least not yet. He winced almost as if in pain when Dean pulled his hand away from his.  


“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” he said a little sullenly, but it also seemed apologetic at the same time. He raised his head to look at Castiel again and Castiel was struck with the pain and the torment he could see once again in Dean’s eyes. He nodded slowly and Dean sighed with relief. As if he had almost feared Castiel would jump on him and scream at him to get his answer.  


“Can I ask just one question, though?” Castiel piped up again and Dean’s shoulders tensed once more. “Why did you not want to have coffee together in town? You said you wanted to explain that to me…?”  


“Oh, that.” Dean bit his lower lip as he considered his answer and another wave of desire rushed through Castiel’s limbs which he though totally inappropriate considering the situation they were currently in. Curse his body.  


“This is not the biggest town, you know, “Dean began eventually. “If you and I met alone in public people could talk about us and well you know, there could be gossip.” He blushed again. Castiel thought that he probably also didn’t want Alastair to hear about said “gossip”, but he didn’t voice that. It seemed clear to him that Dean was interested in getting to know him, but he was afraid to make an open commitment. He had probably not told his husband that he was meeting Castiel today. He didn’t ask about that either. He didn’t want t frighten Dean away with too many questions, especially if the answers to those questions would seemingly reveal a lot of stuff Dean wasn’t ready to tell him yet.  


So he simply said, “I understand, Dean.” Dean smiled back at him in obvious relief.  


“Would you at least have one more cup of coffee with me?” Castiel asked as he held his flask up invitingly. Dean nodded with a shy smile and they were back to the relaxed chattering from before.  


They talked for an hour or so as they sipped at their coffee. Because Dean asked Castiel told him the story of how he decided to become a vet and how he decided to move to Medford. He didn’t go into many details about his father, just mentioned that they had had “a falling out” and Dean just nodded without inquiring further. Castiel told him about his brothers and sister and about his time at college, about his coming out.  


“Oh, s-so you’re…”  


“Gay, too. Yes, Dean.”  


“Oh.”  


They sat in silence again until Dean suddenly said “Cas, I think it’s late. I have to go home.”  


“Okay.”  


They packed the leftover food into the containers and into the backpack again. As he folded his blanket Castiel felt sad that their time together was almost over again. It seemed time had just flown by, he could have sat here with Dean all evening without noticing the moon appearing in the sky.  


They talked very little on their way back and Castiel tried to distract himself by throwing some sticks for Shoshanna. Much too soon they reached the point where they had started, where he knew they would have to say goodbye.  


“Thanks for the food, Cas, and for the walk, I really enjoyed it very much. “Dean said, then he didn’t know how to continue.  


“It was my pleasure as well, “Castiel replied sincerely. “Do you want to do this again sometime soon?”  


Dean hesitated and he looked around him as if looking for people looking at them. “I don’t know, Cas. I’m not sure.”  


Castiel swallowed heavily as an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. “What do you mean, you’re not sure?”  


“I-I just don’t know if it’s a good idea, “Dean said quietly, and his jaw’s muscle twitched. “I’ll text you, okay?”  


Castiel nodded silently.  


Dean smiled at him shyly one last time, said his goodbyes (also one last affectionate cuddle with Shoshanna) and then hurried down the street, not looking back. Castiel was sad they didn’t embrace or at least shake hands and he was sad that their “date” was over.  


_I just hope he really texts. Maybe I should text him unless I wanna spend my time staring at my phone all night long…._  


In the end, he decided, as he walked the way towards his house, he would give Dean a day and if he had not texted him by then, he would do it himself. He had started this thing whatever it was and now he was determined to see it through, wherever it would take him. His heart wouldn’t let him choose anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how do you like the story so far? Thanks for the kudos, comments are very appreciated :)


	8. Chapter 8

Of course, he had spent the night after their “date” staring at the phone in vain, causing him to constantly yawn at work which in turn caused his colleagues to raise their eyebrows at him. “What’s up with you, Clarence, are there so many good Romcoms at Netflix that keep you up at night?” Meg teased him cruelly. He chose to ignore her and when Alex also asked him, a little more concerned than the vet technician, why he seemed to be so very tired, he just shrugged and said something about suffering from insomnia from time to time.  


“Take the day off early, okay?” Alex told him finally when he was about to fall asleep at his desk over a report on the pre-op report of one of his patients. It was just 2 pm. She laid her hand on his shoulder with honest empathy. “I’m serious, Castiel, you need to get some sleep. You’re no good to us here and you have only one appointment left. I’ll take that for you, just go home and rest.”  


He looked up at her with a grateful but tired smile.  


“Thanks, Alex. I really owe you one. Sorry for the inconvenience.”  


“That’s okay.” She squeezed his shoulder one more time, then left the room to get on with her work.  


Castiel sighed. _Great. Now this thing is keeping me from doing my work. This cannot go on like this._  


He fetched his little backpack and whistled. At once, Shoshanna rushed in from the other room where she had taken a nap next to her new buddy Jerry, Alex’ Chihuahua; and looked at Castiel, apparently with a question in her eyes.  


“Ah, Shosh, we’re going home a little earlier than usual. I’m just a little tired. Come on.”  
Shoshanna barked once, she was happy to comply and followed him out of the practice into the sunshine.  


On the way home he was once more lost in his thoughts. He barely registered Jodie Mills and her daughters greeting him a he passed them by on their way from school and only gave them a polite smile. He also nearly got run over by a man on a bike he didn’t see and was rewarded with angry curses thrown after him, so he apologized quickly and took off, trying to concentrate more on the environment, but failing as he was once again thinking of Dean.  


_Why can’t he just text? I know he feels this connection between us, too. He cannot deny we’ve clicked from the start. But of course, he must be afraid Alistair will learn about our “friendship”. He doesn’t seem to get out often apart from work. I bet Alistair doesn’t allow him to have friends because he’s jealous. He controls him. Yes, that’s the reason Dean doesn’t text. He’s afraid Alistair will find out._  


Castiel ran a hand through his hair in distress.  


_I should leave Dean alone. I’m just going to get him into trouble, I don’t wanna push myself into a marriage, even less if Alistair is such a jealous guy…_  


At once, he shook his head involuntarily, which must have looked hilarious to onlooking people if there had been any.  


_I cannot leave this thing alone. It may be totally selfish, but I cannot leave it. I have to at least talk to Dean, ask him how he’s feeling about all this. I’ll ask him if he has any problems with us being friends and if he says yes, I’ll leave him alone. Yes, that’s what I’ll do._  


He nodded to himself in nervous agreement with himself and noticed he had reached his home. He opened the door with his keys, threw his backpack on the floor in total contrast to his usual neatness and settled on his couch, phone in his hand.  


“No use delaying this, right Shosh?” he asked aloud and Shoshanna barked once to agree with him.  


Castiel took one deep breath and then started texting.  


_Hi, Dean. I know we agreed that you would text me, not the other way around. But honestly, I wanted to ask you how you are and didn’t want to wait anymore. So, how are you? Up for another meeting sometime soon? Cas_  


He read his message three times, hesitated for another second and then just pressed the send button.  


_Here’s hoping I don’t come across as too needy or too obtrusive._  


He jumped off the couch and began pacing the living room up and down nervously. Every few seconds he stared at his phone which sat on the coffee table, ignoring him completely. After ten minutes of nervous pacing he shook his head in frustration and made his way over to the kitchen.  


_Might as well get some coffee. No, better make it tea, I’m jumpy enough.  
_

__

He hummed to himself while he prepared his chamomile tea, trying to think of something different than the phone in the living room. Just as he was about to pour himself a cup of the steaming hot tea, he heard the well-known sound of his phone receiving a message. Hastily he put the tea pot down and rushed into the living room to scoop up his phone and read the message.  


_I’m sorry, Castiel. I don’t want to meet again or text. Please respect my wish. I wish you well and thanks for everything. Dean_  


Castiel sat down on the couch as if someone had punched him. He felt like a sudden weight on his chest was holding him down and he swallowed heavily in deep disappointment.  


_I was too forward. That’s what I get for being too forward._  


He couldn’t help himself, he buried his face in his hands as if to shut the world outside for a few moments, to be alone in his frustration. Shoshanna jumped unto the couch next to him and laid her head on his knee to show him her compassion.  


They sat together like this for a good twenty minutes when Castiel suddenly sat up with grim determination.  


“You know what, Shosh? I won’t let him brush me off like that. I just want to know what’s going on, he can’t just end it like this.”  


He opened his laptop on the coffee table in front of him and opened Google. He typed “Dean Christensen Medford” and looked at the results. As he had hoped he found the website of the local music school which had listed a Dean Christensen as one of their employees. Guitar, bass and singing were listed as Dean’s subjects. _Huh, he sings. I didn’t even know that… Well, there’s a lot I don’t know._  


He copied the address of the music school into his phone and got off the couch, making a beeline for the front door. Shoshanna jumped off the couch to follow him, barking in surprise.  


“Well, Shosh, “Castiel said as he grabbed his keys, “I have to see him, so come on, before I change my mind.”  


Google maps told him the way to the music school would take about fifteen minutes to drive so he sat onto the driver’s seat of his car and took off, with Shoshanna in tow.  


On the way to the school he tried not to think about Dean and how he was ignoring his request to not meet again and focussed on the radio reporter instead, telling him something about weather, sports and politics.  


Fifteen Minutes later and they had arrived at their goal. They got out of the car and Castiel looked at the building in front of him Google told him was the Medford Music School. It was a small but friendly looking place with a huge sign over its front door, saying “Welcome Music Lovers”. Castiel smiled to himself, took a deep breath and entered the building with determination.  


There was a middle-aged woman working at a desk in a transparent office with Plexiglas windows, obviously she was the secretary and she smiled at him as he knocked on the windows in unnecessary politeness.  


“Hi there, I wondered if you could help me with something?” he asked her with a bright smile which had conquered the hearts of many middle-aged ladies.  


Surely enough she beamed, pleased with his friendliness and charm. “Of course, how can I help you?” she asked eagerly.  


“Well, I was wondering if you could point me to Mr. Christensen, I’d like to see him, “Castiel explained.  


“Dean?” The secretary looked surprised. “Well, yes, of course, but he’s teaching a lesson right now. Is it urgent?”  


“No, no, “Castiel answered quickly, “I can wait. Could you just show me where he teaches and I’ll wait in front of the door until he’s finished.” He flashed another dazzling smile at her, and she nodded with a nervous giggle and got out of her seat to show him the way. After just two turns and two corridors they had reached the right place.  


“This is Dean’s room, “the secretary told him and looked at her watch. “He should be finished in another five minutes or so.”  


“Thanks very much.” Castiel smiled again and she left.  


_So long, so good_ , he thought as he slid down the wall next to the door to Dean’s room. There was no Plexiglas here and there were no sounds coming from the room, seemed like the doors were soundproof. _Shame. I would have liked to hear Dean play. Or sing._  


Castiel sighed. All of the sudden he was embarrassed with himself.  


_What am I doing here? Pressuring Dean? Putting him into an uncomfortable situation? Yes, yes, that’s what I’m doing. This is ridiculous. I don’t even know him that long. I’m behaving like a silly teenager._  


He got up, suddenly determined to leave.  


That’s when the door suddenly opened. In sudden panic, Castiel decided to hide in the tiny space behind the now completely opened door and he held his breath as he heard Dean speak.  


“You’re really improving a lot, Jonathan. I’m very proud of you.”  


“Thanks so much, Mr. Christensen, “a youthful, happy voice replied. “Do you think I’m good enough to play at the next open session in front of everybody?”  


Castiel heard Dean chuckle lightly behind the other side of the door. “Of course, you are. You’re more than ready and I really think you should apply at Oregon University. You’ll pass their exam with no problems, I’m sure.”  


“That would be so great.” The kid named Jonathan was obviously very thankful and Castiel’s heart swelled at the open trust and appreciation displayed here right next to him.  


“Well, see you Thursday, Jonathan, take care, “Dean said, his voice deep and friendly.  


“Bye, Mr. Christensen, “Jonathan said and left.  


Castiel held his breath nervously as he didn’t know if Dean would just close the door again or leave because he was finished for today and would detect him lurking behind the door like a total idiot.  


_What in God’s name am I doing here? Hiding behind the door like a stalker or something? If he sees me now, I’m totally fucked…_  


But Castiel was lucky. Dean didn’t leave at once, he apparently turned and went back inside his classroom, maybe to gather his things. This was his chance to just sneak past the door and leave, leave Dean alone and get over this thing.  


But he couldn’t do it. Instead he grabbed the door as if to steady himself and stepped inside the classroom.  


“Hello, Dean, “he said quietly.  


Dean had apparently just stored his guitar in its case and was about to sling it over his shoulder when the sound of Castiel’s voice made his head snap up and stare at him with wide eyes.  


“Castiel? What are you doing here?” he asked nervously and Castiel noticed he took a step back, at once putting some distance in between them.  


He raised his hands in a gesture of calm reassurance. “Hey, Dean. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to startle you. I had to see you.”  


Before he could go on, Dean cut in. “Why? I asked you to respect my wish not to meet again and this is how you react?!” His voice was bordering hysterical now, his lips were trembling, he seemed completely upset.  


Castiel, upset that he had upset Dean, took a step toward him, trying to reassure him. “Please, Dean, I know what you asked and I’m sorry that I came here. But I had to talk to you, I needed to see how you are. Please, calm down.”  


But Dean didn’t calm down, his breath was increasing and his whole body was trembling now.  


“Please don’t come nearer, please, “he whispered as Castiel took another step towards him and he glanced at the door with wide eyes as if expecting someone else to show up there.  


Castiel looked over his shoulder to also look at the door. “What is it, Dean? There is nobody else here, only me. Please, calm down, what’s upsetting you so much?”  


_Oh God, what have I done. He’s totally wrecked, and he’s been so calm and even confident before. I’ve turned him into a mess in only a few seconds…._  


Castiel eventually squatted down in an effort to calm Dean down. “Please, I’m not taking one more step. Calm down.”  


He watched desperately as Dean waited for him to break his promise and come nearer. As he realized that Castiel was indeed staying where he was, he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. It broke Castiel’s heart to see him in this state, so helpless, so fearful.  


After a few moments of silence in which Dean had eventually calmed down a good bit, Castiel spoke up again, quietly.  


“I’m sorry I came here, Dean. Please forgive me. I’ll go now, so you can relax.” He stood up and turned towards the door.  


“No. Please stay.”  


It had been so quiet he could barely make out the words.  


He turned back to Dean again. “What did you say?” he asked, no whispered.  


Dean opened his eyes and looked at him with tears shimmering in them. “Please stay, “he whispered, this time a little louder. “I’m sorry, I totally overreacted.”  


And he smiled at Castiel, still obviously very nervous but not afraid anymore and he nodded, more to himself than to Castiel.  


Castiel nodded too and took one step towards Dean.  


“You okay now?” he asked.  


Dean nodded firmly and shook his head, as if frustrated with himself. “I’m sorry, Castiel. You must think I’m a total idiot, the way I’ve been behaving.”  


Castiel interrupted quickly. “Please, Dean. I don’t think you’re an idiot! I was the one disrespecting your borders and I’m very sorry for that. I ask again that you forgive me.” 

And he took one more step towards Dean which Dean registered but didn’t protest against.  


“You tell me what you want. I can still go. Or we could talk. Which I would really like but I don’t want to pressure you. Please, you just say what happens next.” Castiel looked at Dean with open sincerity and he was indeed determined to leave the second Dean told him to.  


But Dean didn’t do that. He swallowed heavily, picked up his guitar case he had dropped and looked at Castiel with a sad resigned smile. “No, we really should talk. If you want to. But not here. There’s a little wood behind the school, let’s go there. I have some time before Alistair gets home.”  


Castiel nodded, surprised at Dean’s sudden change in demeanour, but also happy that they would apparently finally have a frank talk. “Sounds good, “he said with an honest smile and he took a step back to leave enough space for Dean to walk through the door and lead the way to the little wood outside.


End file.
